For once it didn’t go pear-shaped

School holidays – usually not something either ‘B’ or I look forward to. Not because we dread spending time together, quite the opposite actually, she’s in her element when it’s just me and her – it’s the break in routine that does it.

Like alot of children with Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASD’s), SID kids need their routine, some of them to the point where everything is timed down to the exact minute. Luckily for us ‘B’ isn’t THAT particular but changes in her routine usually flip her out. So, we try to get up the same time, start doing stuff when she would begin her school day, finish when the school day would finish – you get the picture?

Woe betide you if you slip in some spontaneity. SID and spontaneity don’t co-exist nicely, in fact they don’t co-exist AT ALL. EVERYTHING has to be set out the night before, no deviations from the plan. Oh, and just a tip, don’t promise anything either.

Promises are like routine and you will usually end up breaking that promise. You know the kind of thing, ‘I promise we’ll go to the park tomorrow’ and then a freak rainstorm hits, everywhere is cold, wet and waterlogged. SID kids take promises literally. They don’t see the unforeseen events as a reason to break a promise. Even though logically their brain understands you can’t play when the park is flooded, you promised they could go. I think, that’s kinda where the Meltdown may come from, I don’t know, it’s almost like that unforeseen event causes confusion instead of logic, the confusion then leads to frustration and the frustration inevitably leads to Meltdown.

It’s better to word it differently, something along the lines of ‘If we can, maybe we’ll go the Park tomorrow’, even when she says ‘Promise?’ I reinforce it with ‘We’ll try our best OK?’. I’m not promising… so in her mind, logically it will make sense if something crops up and we can’t go. Does that make sense?

Anyway back to the story… First day back at school is usually a practice-run for us. We go through the motions and indeed the intention of getting to school, but realistically we usually end up at Meltdown point and ‘OK let’s try again tomorrow, we’ve had a practice so you know what you’re doing now don’t you?’ kind of thing.

I’ve learnt not to push, I recognise the signs by the body language and the expression on her face. There is absolutely NO POINT in pushing it to a Meltdown, it doesn’t do you any good and it most certainly doesn’t do them any good. You get so you can head a Meltdown off before it gets to boiling point, you just have to learn the art of knowing your child inside out. You know how it will turn out so why push it?

So there we were Monday morning, hoping for a successful departure, not EXPECTING a disaster (that’s negative thinking and they pick up on that, trust me!), more of being prepared for a disaster and… it didn’t happen! ‘B’ actually got to school in one piece and on time and a smile on her face!

This is something we have struggled with EVERY holiday so this was a major step forward. She was really pleased with herself, as was I.

Here’s the irony, that doesn’t mean it’s fixed now, next holiday we could go backwards, with SID you never know what’s coming next. We just try not to think about it, deal with each day as it comes, don’t make any long-term plans and basically go with the flow. If you stress about it you WILL become a mess, better to accept it for what it is and adapt, you’ll get through it much better if you do.

Till next time
Blessings
‘B’s Mum