End of an Era

Well, tomorrow my baby girl goes off to College for her Taster Day, preparation for when she starts her Painting & Decorating Course in September.

This is a huge step for B. She has been out of mainstream education for 6 years now so there are lots of challenges ahead for her.

For the most part, she has so far handled it all pretty well. We've had the drama of not being able to find workwear small enough for her size 6 frame but we did eventually find a boilersuit that fits her about 95%! As anyone reading this, whose child suffers with the dreaded oversensitivity to clothing, knows only too well, not only did we have to find something that fit but something that wouldn't send her into Sensory Overload. For the last 6 years we haven't had much issue with clothing, mostly because on those days when it was an issue, she simply stayed home in her pj's!

She has to be there for 9am sharp tomorrow morning and this is another huge challenge! I know some of you will be smiling here too, knowing how Time and SPD are not the best of friends!

College is a big deal for most of our teenagers. A new environment where they are encouraged to make their own decisions instead of being told what to do and when to do it, can be a daunting prospect. Add SPD into the mix and it can be an incredibly stressful prospect.

She even said to me the other day, that she wondered what she was thinking, could she really pull this off, could she actually do the Course? My reply? You don't know until you try and if you don't try, you'll only regret it later. Just think, if you can pull it off... the world is your oyster! And if you can't... well at least you gave it a damn good try and we'll just sit down and have a rethink, it's not the end of the world.

Wish us luck
Till next time
B's Mum

Ear we go again…

About 4 years ago ‘B’ wanted to have her ears pierced. We explained to the lady who pierced them that she was on the Spectrum and could she please smell the antiseptic wipes, show her the piercing equipment to be used etc. etc., which she was more than happy to do. It was all part of the process as those of you who have kids on the Spectrum only know too well. ‘B’ was very brave throughout the whole thing, even though she so wanted to do it, it was still terrifying for her. In fact she cried throughout the whole process, the piercer telling her she could have a special deal that day, half price, I am sure because she felt so sorry for her!

Anyway, the 6 weeks healing went by and we realised the basic flaw in our plan… having them pierced was one thing, getting the trainer earrings out, was entirely another situation, one we most certainly hadn’t anticipated!

Try as I might, and even though she understood the logic and implications of the whole thing, (which I think made it even worse for her because she got frustrated at her own illogical responses) we couldn’t get them out. About a year later they started to get infected and unfortunately I had to almost pin her to the ground, screaming her lungs out and yank them out. To her dismay they closed up almost immediately.

OK, so a couple of years went by, she told me she wanted to give it another try. We talked and talked and talked, her case being made stronger by the fact that she knew what to expect this time so it would be easier and she was 2 years older. To be fair, I could see her point…

Also, it was one of those things she was so determined to do, I think in hindsight she wanted to prove to herself she could be ‘normal’, do the same as her friends and it would all work out ok. So call me a fool, I eventually gave in.

She didn’t cry, in fact, she wanted to take them out after 2 weeks (but they hadn’t fully healed). I guess I should have let her…

Yesterday morning (almost a year and a half after the event), I was getting ready for work, she came downstairs very flustered and obviously upset. I only have two 2-hour classes a week and she had to go pick one of them to lose control! Turned out the earring had slipped into her ear… we had no choice, it had to come out, if I had left it and the weeping dried up it would have started to heal over and we would never get it out. She was so scared, stressed and hysterical that I couldn’t have taken her to her friends as normal when I work, I would have ended up having to go get her.

I’m surprised nobody called the police, the amount of screaming coming from our house… but eventually it came out. The other took the rest of the day to think about and an hour and a half of ‘practising’ late last night, thankfully that one eventually just popped off.

Have we learnt our lesson? We have agreed neither of us wants to go through that again… so fingers crossed we have.

Tonight is being spent trying to get a fresh pair in! Wish us luck…

Till next time
‘B’s Mum

Addendum: Took us several hours of ‘practising’ to get some new ones in but she wasn’t having it. The holes are closing up way too fast, she heals ridiculously quickly, so time is of the essence. It looks like we aren’t going to get any new ones in… boy, is she cross with herself!!!!!! She kept muttering ‘stupid ears, stupid holes, stupid SID!’ or words to that effect LOL!

OK, so just as I finished this addendum… ‘B’ walks in and says “Mum, I need to get new earrings in…”. So, we go off to my room, sit down and she just does it… SIMPLE OR WHAT? She’s now feeling rather silly for making such a fuss…

Please Don’t Apologise

The few times I find myself mentioning that my daughter has SID to new people, I have found the first thing they say is: ‘I’m so sorry’. Why are they sorry? I’m not…

Maybe I’d better explain a little more…

It’s obvious from that response that people think there’s something wrong with my child. Actually I like to look at it another way.

My child is unique, sure she has problems but hey don’t we all? I have a relationship with my daughter that is so strong, we know each other so well that we don’t even have to speak to know what the other is thinking. I treat her as a little person, not a kid, a person. I ask her opinion, I respect her thoughts. (Now just because she gets a say in everything doesn’t mean she rules the roost, what it does mean is that we respect her opinions and take that into consideration, after all she is part of our family). She has a totally different perspective on things, she takes notice of things others take for granted, she opens my eyes up to all possibilities, she has a beautiful heart, she truly cares for people. We don’t ignore her. In truth, we probably learn more from her than she does from us.

This has caused some of her friends to envy our relationship because they wish their parents took notice of them in the same way. We are not perfect, we are not always right, but we do work together as a family.

Why on earth would I want to change her? I love her just the way she is, as time goes by she is learning how to adapt to her needs and is doing a great job so far.

So next time you come across someone who has a child with any type of disability, and you feel those words forming on your lips, maybe rethink it: have empathy yes, but please don’t feel sorry for us. We are truly blessed with these children.

Till next time
‘B’s Mum