Bang!

I have often said that with SID, as much as you like think that you finally have an issue under control, another will take it’s place and bite you in the ass! Today was one of those days. I have to say, we have been lucky, those times are fewer and further between than they used to be!


So what prompted this one? Earrings!!! ‘B’ has been adamant since she managed to get a new pair of earrings in, that only she is changing them. She has let me help her a couple of times and insisted that I hurt her. I tried explaining that it takes a little bit of practice to find where the hole is, anyone who has pierced ears will understand what I mean by this.


The last couple of days she has struggled to find the hole and has made it a little sore. Yesterday she couldn’t get one of them in but she would not let me help. Today was the same… We had to go pick her dad up from work and as is perfectly usual, we were running behind, she didn’t get up very early and was doing her usual ‘I’ll do it a minute and stop hassling me’ routine.


The main culprit was that damned earring. Do you think she would let me help? Could she make up her mind if she was staying at home whilst I went and got him? No… instead she dug her heels in and started getting angrier and angrier. Eventually she wanted me to do it, but wouldn’t let me within 6 feet of her. I asked her to wait until we got back, so we could go get her dad. No! That apparently wouldn’t make any difference?????!!!


I explained to her, that yes it would, because at least I wouldn’t have her dad having a go at me for being late, yet again! He gets grumpy… and then I have 2 of them on my case! I get it in the neck for her not being able to get out on time!


All I got in response was an increasingly angrier ‘B’ telling me it wasn’t her fault and to stop confusing her. I explained again, trying to keep calm, it’s quite simple… we need to go get your dad so the earrings will have to wait.


I was getting frustrated, she just refused to listen to the logic of the situation. In her brain, that earring took precedence over everything. The repercussions of being late and thus him being angry that we were late again were of no consequence.


I guess, she just pushed me too far. For once in my life, I would like to be on time for something. I am late for everything… I haven’t been too well lately and I guess I’m feeling a bit defeated, especially when after asking if she was finally ready, I was told in no uncertain terms how much she hated me!


Ouch! That hurt! Normally I wouldn’t let it get to me, I know it’s the frustration talking… and I’m ashamed to say I lost my temper. I get ratty and grumpy but I don’t actually lose my temper very often. So, I stomped down the stairs, slammed a door and fumed within. I didn’t say a word to her, she shouted at me for slamming the door, she screamed at me for making her do this, she cried and cried all the way there.


We got back and I went for a walk, I had to get some distance. I felt bad for losing my cool… I beat myself up over it. But then I thought, hang on a minute, should I feel so guilty? Am I not allowed, every once in a while, to get angry? ‘B’ doesn’t worry about losing it, her dad doesn’t worry about it!


If I was the kind of mum that ignored her child, that didn’t allow her child an opinion, that left her to fend for herself, that neglected her, that didn’t consider her feelings, that just didn’t care… but I bend over backwards and forwards and sometimes inside out to help my daughter and I’m only human, I’m not perfect, I’m just as flawed as the next person. I get it wrong sometimes… and today was just one of those days. And that, is think was the important bit of the whole thing… sometimes she expects too much of me!


When I got home we had a hug and an apology and everything is back to normal! Normal?????? That’s too funny…